$100,000 Pyramid

I rather enjoy a good game show. Some of my favorites are/were Jeopardy, Family Feud (aka "The Feud"), and the $100,000 Pyramid.

If you were playing $100,000 Pyramid with Donnie Osmond or the old one with Dick Clark, you'd probably hope to get to the "big money" portion of the game. There, they put something on a chart above your head (where you can't see it), and you're supposed to guess what it is by various descriptors and whatnot, given to you by some B-list celebrity or worse. If I were playing a game this weekend, my clues would go something like this: Arrested Development, Michael Jackson's final tour, or my flight to Hilton Head. And the chart would read: "things that are cancelled."

Arrested Development was cancelled because not enough people watched it. It was a trial for a lot of people, me included. No one is going to argue with that -- no one with a brain, that is. It was awesome and still lives on "in the DVD form." Michael Jackson's tour was cancelled because he's dead. That's it. There's nothing to say. It might have been a tribulation for some, but mostly it's just "Bad." But my flight to Hilton Head from Charlotte, my cancellation of my flight from Charlotte to Hilton Head -- that is -- that was both a trial and a tribulation. It was Thanksgiving. They close the restaurants in the airport on Thanksgiving, if you didn't know.

They close them because they hate America.

Anyway, I got on another flight after sitting around in stale, airport-terminal air, chewing on a piece of king-sized Baby Ruth (they don't sell the normal sizes in the airport) and a dried-up slab of room-temperature pizza.

I don't really even want to talk about it. Having my flight cancelled on Thanksgiving wasn't a "Thriller" and it wasn't a $100,000 jackpot. It was a "Smooth Criminal" and it was definitely a trial and tribulation -- it was definitely that.

Go to hell, "cancelled." I'm disgusted with you right about now.

Total Trial

Sometimes when you're in the drive-thru at McDonalds to get a Diet Coke, your car stalls and won't start. It sucks because you get out and you are face to face with the person in the window you handed your money to.
The good news is they bring out your Diet Coke while you're sitting in your stalled car in the parking lot.
Jami

Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a good one. Spent the day with family. Also had a great Thanksgiving nap. I gave my friend Rob a call to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. He said he was planning on going to some shack on a beach or something like that. I couldn't really hear him over the techno music that was playing in the background. Oh well, that's Rob for ya. :) Hope he had a good Thanksgiving. Max sure did as you can see. He's just enjoying a little after dinner paperclip. Oh Max.

Jami

Max.

A Special Guy

Even though I'm a celebrity (game shows and multiple public appearances to my name), I can still remember what it was like to hand money over to the people at the drive through. I'm no stranger to the plight of the poor and unwealthy. But one thing I've forgotten until recently, is how to work the microwave. I was trying to warm up a muffin this morning and my staff was gone (early Thanksgiving plans and the nanny was out to see that new vampire movie/matinee).

So, I called a guy I've come to know and trust. Let's call him "Rob." He was (no surprise to those of you who know him) volunteering at a veterans lunch, handing out mints and washing tablecloths. I told him about the muffin situation, and he raced right over. Because he's so adept at all sorts of technology (he always knows), he had that muffin warmed up in no time. After fixing a hole in the roof of the guesthouse, he said he was off to pray. I asked him when he ever takes time out for himself and his humble reply was, "haha... you just don't worry about that. I let providence take care if it's God's will."

What a saint. He's so nice to everyone, even people who ask him about his personal life. He told me about a conversation he'd had with a friend (let's call her "Jami"). He told me about how she asked him about dating and he explained to her that he was honored to respond to her question, then tearfully, Rob told about the wonderful experiences of his selfless dating life.

He sure is special, that Rob.

Ooops, I'm late for a speaking engagement for a cotton and linen seminar. If you're traveling to Saginaw, MI in the next day, I'll be at the Borders on Madison and 8th street. I'll be signing copies of "The World at my Fingertips: A Memoir, by C. Woolery" after the lunch break.

Back in "2 and 2!"

C. W.

TGIF

Thank goodness it's Friday. Man, what a week. Phew! Ya know?

I asked my friend Rob what his plans where this weekend. He said he was going to a movie or something stupid like that. Rob seems to always have a date or something going on, so I asked him if he had his eye on anyone. Ya know, just being a good friend, caring about him and his life. And he replied by saying "I'm interested in some. They're of no concern to you though."

What a total dick! I guess Rob can be a little jaded sometimes. But that's what happens when you spend your free time trolling the "casual encounters" section of Craig's List.

Case closed.

Jami

Yes You Can!

Recently while doing a little grocery shopping, I came upon this display. Patriotic Chia Pets. Finally.

I have this friend, he's a lawyer. He litigates, yells objections, gives closing arguments, you know, lawyering. He also writes articles for a political online magazine. I think it's like IloveMitt.com or something like that. And I think he would just love the "Chia Washington" one. If not, then he's "Chia stupid".

Thanks
Jami

Conversations about my Sweater

It's itchy. I don't care who knows.

-C. W.

Word of Warning (if you're eating bananas)

Last time I wrote, I was all excited for the holiday (Veteran's Day). I was all like, "hey, I'm excited for the holiday!" But things change.

I've been trying to eat healthier. Good idea, right? Think again.

(Read on and you'll see why)

There are a lot of times when I'll eat at McDonald's. I like their Filet-o-Fish. So, recently, I thought I'd have some fruit -- like a banana. The problem is, when I went to put it in the wastebasket, it knocked the trash over.

Pretty soon, I'll have to pick it up and figure out how to make the banana peel fit in there with the proper weight distribution. Hello, I didn't major in Algebra! If I'd just have left it alone with the McDonald's bag, I could be watching tv instead of writing about everything that's happened tonight (ie., the banana, wastepaper basket, banana peel, McDonald's bag, etc.).

Luckily, I have tomorrow off.

-C. Woolery

Happy Veterans Day!

I have a special fondness for holidays. I love the tinsel at Christmas, the Pumpkin at Halloween, and the family arguments over Thanksgiving Dinner. They all bring with them, a special sense of my place (our place) in the world. We live in a grand ol' country. I notice that when I walk by the White House or attend an exclusive party on Capitol Hill -- even when I board my jet and fly over the dirty parts of town that have a lot of poor people. I'm thankful that I can travel away from all of that.

I also appreciate the people who fight and defend this country and are so brave as soldiers and stuff . . . anyway, I'm getting off-track.

Today is about the Veterans. They work tirelessly day in and day out, taking care of animals, and putting dogs to sleep when they just lie around and get in the way. Here's to the Veterans! If you're a pet lover (I know I am), you'll go out and say "Thank You!" to the next Vet you see!

Back in "Two and Two!"

-C. Woolery

Gina- Thank you, Judith.

Recently due to some financial trials, I acquired a second job. I clean an office building 3 times a week. During a recent garbage dumping, I noticed this post-it-note.

Gina-

Thank you,

Judith

It's simple. It's straight forward. And it's on a post-it-note. It's sticky. It made me wonder, what is Judith thanking Gina for? Thank you Gina for lending me your pen. Thank you Gina for bringing those cookies to share with everyone. Also, thanks Gina for telling everyone that I'm pregnant. I'm not and you know it. Thank you Gina for destroying the bathroom every time you use it. We are almost out of gas masks. Thanks Gina for always telling us how you just can't understand how you can eat whatever you want and never gain weight. Thanks Gina for being a total b*tch. -Judith

Judith-

Thank you

Jami

FANTASTIC!

I was reading Jami's blog earlier today and when she talked about having a lonely and boring night, it reminded me that I love snacks! Mmmmm!

I just got some Sunkist "fruit flavored snacks" from the kitchen and they're amazing!

Fresh fruit flavors aside, I'm pretty happy that its the weekend. It's Friday and that means Applebee's. I love going to Applebee's on Friday night and THEY KNOW IT(my tips have made me quite a few friends)! They have this glazed salmon with rice that's to die for, and on Friday its "Carrie-Okay" night. I'm not sure how the Japanese spell it, but my friend "Carrie" laughs hard when I find clever ways to put her name into these blogs. I hope that last comment Carrie-d some weighty comedy when I referred to her (I did it again!).

Umm.... I think I got Carrie-d away with using her name too many times in that first paragraph. LOL I just hope it doesn't ruin my Carrie-eer! (HAHA it's from the word "career," and I hope all of you get the reference!) :)

Anyway, back to Applebees. I'll probably get a Coke and I'll likely have a look at the dessert menu, but I rarely get dessert. Usually, I'm too full from the free refills. I'll probably just skip dessert. A lot of people have wanted me to tell more about my day-to-day life, what I eat, what books I'm reading (Louis L'Amour), and great vacations (see earlier blogs). Hopefully this will satisfy most of you.

It's way dark.

I am laying here in my bed just thinking about life. Life and it's trials. And usually if you have trials, along come the tribulations. As my mind races and I get more worried about these trials and tribs that haven't actually taken place yet, I think, hey, I bet Chuck would make me feel better, or say something funny or totally stupid to make me laugh. I feel really lonely laying here in the dark. I mean, it's really dark in here. I don't have the light on, so that's why it's dark, but still. I even took a picture of the darkness so you could understand just how dark it is. That being said, I text Chuck, and he writes back "sometimes life is hard, and I'm going to bed".
What an a**hole.

This is probably the worst day ever. I wish I had an Ambien.

Jami